I returned to Viet Nam on Septmeber 8. Spent a night in Ho Chi Minh City and flew to Nha Trang the next day. I had an apartment ready waiting for me when I arrived. It was the same apartment building I was in last year, but the 5th floor (ocean view, mountain view, and quiet). Well worth the $50 more a month I will be paying.
The first three weeks was hot as hell here. But on October 1st the rainy season started right on time and things cooled off a bit, but that came with a price, rain every afternoon. I took a week to recover from the time change and began teaching at Crazy Kim mornings and evenings. The language school that I taught at last year fired me a couple of weeks before I came home. They said students were leaving the school because of me. Over the summer I got an email saying they made a mistake, would I please come back and teach. I stupidly said okay. Two weeks after I arrived they called me in to discuss my "employment status." Struck me as an odd thing to do. Turns out they wanted to fire me again, before I even started teaching. They said that now I was such a good teacher that I was stealing their students by teaching at Crazy Kim. I swear, some people should not be in business. I hope next time they would just send me an email terminating my services.
This year all the classrooms have flat screen TV's and I hook up my iPad to it and can show videos and all kinds of lecture materials, which makes the teaching much more effective and fun. I am teaching again at Nha Trang University and have 4 classes. All of them pronunciation. I really feel like a professor now. The students are so eager and cute.
I've been studying Vietnamese now for more than 3 years. This year I am passionate about learning it faster. So, I'm taking two classes a day. Between teaching 2 classes and taking 2 I'm quite busy and very happy about that. I also squeeze in time to practice my violin and guitar and run 5 miles in the morning. That leaves me with absolutely no time to get into trouble.
Even my love life has improved. Last year I was pretty attracted to one of my students but we did not express any interest in each other until after she got a job and stopped coming to classes. (The free ones at Crazy Kim.) Anyway, we exchanged email addresses and spent the summer Skyping each other most days. We've been dating since I returned. I'll just say the relationship is very comfortable, and she is quite remarkable. Maybe I've finally met one of those Vietnamese women that I've heard so much about but never seen. We are still in the infatuation stage so I won't make any predictions. A few things about her: has a good job working in a lawyer's office translating documents into English, nearly as tall as me, extremely pretty, sweet as can be, very ambitious but not greedy or materialistic. And she has a smile and laugh that can stop amaze me every time.
So, life is good here in Vietnam. I'm feeling useful, helping eager students to learn English. And I'm getting to learn a lot of things myself. Of all the things I can think of, there is nothing like learning and helping others to learn that is more rewarding and satisfying.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
About Brad and Death in Viet Nam
Such a thin line between life and death. And how easy to cross that line. And all of us cross that line sooner or later. Brad crossed the line sooner than I wanted and later than he wanted. He always said he wanted to kill himself but was afraid of actually doing it. Last month Brad apparently got the courage.
The first time I saw Brad he was entering a restaurant carrying a big set of teeth. My dinner companion, another teacher, guessed he used them to teach pronunciation. He was right. And in Brad's words, everyone was doing it wrong, and Brad was the only teacher in all of Asia doing it right. I liked Brad the moment I met him. He had a way of insulting you and making you love him all the more.
"I'm the most depressed person you will ever meet. I hate being alive. The only time I was truly happy was when I discovered that I could double my dosage of Prozac. That lasted for two years." He had been, and still was, self-medicating additionally with alcohol and pot nearly all of his life. But you would never, ever, know that he was depressed. Brad was more fun to be with, even while continually telling you that you were depraved, deprived, and deranged, than anyone I've ever met.
I didn't take him seriously. About suicide or his nasty insults. He was just too funny. But the pain that he lived with wasn't. I don't know if we can blame life for this or Brad's insistence on everything having to be his way. We were all wrong. Brad was all right. He would only teach his way, which led him to getting fired from just about every job. In the end he ran out of money and they were throwing him out of his apartment. I believe he did this on purpose so that he would have to end his life, having nowhere else to go. (Had I been there and given the opportunity I'd have done something about that, but I wasn't and didn't know.)
We all are Brad to one degree or another. We all will die. We all will be thrown out, if not our houses, out of our bodies. We all want to be right. We all criticize other people. We all self-medicate one way or another, to lesser or greater degrees. And we all, at some point, want to escape the lives we have created by doing these things.
I don't know why Brad's death affected me the way it did. It was more than losing a friend. It was more than not being able to prevent it. I think it was the feeling that I am Brad in some ways, in the sense that I connected to him more than I do with other people. I could see myself in Brad and I could see the tragedy, the sadness, the sense that if only I paid more attention to the stupid things I do, life could be more meaningful.
Years ago I nearly crossed that line myself and I didn't because I didn't want to leave my children without a father. I truly believe that saved my life. Brad didn't have children or loved ones to keep him here. And I think that was why he could leave. Is it fate, or destiny, or our own choices, that decide which of us have links to life and which of us don't? Because in the end, it is those links, those people whom we love, who keep us here, and make life worth living. Maybe we shouldn't take them for granted and maybe we should make them stronger because we never know when we may want to cross that thin line.
The first time I saw Brad he was entering a restaurant carrying a big set of teeth. My dinner companion, another teacher, guessed he used them to teach pronunciation. He was right. And in Brad's words, everyone was doing it wrong, and Brad was the only teacher in all of Asia doing it right. I liked Brad the moment I met him. He had a way of insulting you and making you love him all the more.
"I'm the most depressed person you will ever meet. I hate being alive. The only time I was truly happy was when I discovered that I could double my dosage of Prozac. That lasted for two years." He had been, and still was, self-medicating additionally with alcohol and pot nearly all of his life. But you would never, ever, know that he was depressed. Brad was more fun to be with, even while continually telling you that you were depraved, deprived, and deranged, than anyone I've ever met.
I didn't take him seriously. About suicide or his nasty insults. He was just too funny. But the pain that he lived with wasn't. I don't know if we can blame life for this or Brad's insistence on everything having to be his way. We were all wrong. Brad was all right. He would only teach his way, which led him to getting fired from just about every job. In the end he ran out of money and they were throwing him out of his apartment. I believe he did this on purpose so that he would have to end his life, having nowhere else to go. (Had I been there and given the opportunity I'd have done something about that, but I wasn't and didn't know.)
We all are Brad to one degree or another. We all will die. We all will be thrown out, if not our houses, out of our bodies. We all want to be right. We all criticize other people. We all self-medicate one way or another, to lesser or greater degrees. And we all, at some point, want to escape the lives we have created by doing these things.
I don't know why Brad's death affected me the way it did. It was more than losing a friend. It was more than not being able to prevent it. I think it was the feeling that I am Brad in some ways, in the sense that I connected to him more than I do with other people. I could see myself in Brad and I could see the tragedy, the sadness, the sense that if only I paid more attention to the stupid things I do, life could be more meaningful.
Years ago I nearly crossed that line myself and I didn't because I didn't want to leave my children without a father. I truly believe that saved my life. Brad didn't have children or loved ones to keep him here. And I think that was why he could leave. Is it fate, or destiny, or our own choices, that decide which of us have links to life and which of us don't? Because in the end, it is those links, those people whom we love, who keep us here, and make life worth living. Maybe we shouldn't take them for granted and maybe we should make them stronger because we never know when we may want to cross that thin line.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
One Month Back in Viet Nam
I've been back in Nha Trang for one month now and things are greatly improved over my time here last fall. The biggest change is my address. I am no longer living on the other side of town where I had to travel through traffic noise three times a day. I'm also much happier back close to the schools, restaurants, and markets that I go to regularly. There are more people that I know and it just feels more comfortable. And now the beach is just a block away.
I'm happiest most about the teaching. I'm enjoying it more and hopefully doing a better job. I began teaching at Nha Trang University which is awfully exciting. This is a dream I've had since I was 20, to be a college professor. It has taken a while, and who would have thought I'd have to go half way around the world to do it. The students in the above photo gave me a tour around NTU on my first day of teaching. They are my students at Crazy Kim's school as well as being students at NTU.
My first day at NTU they had a film crew there. Half of the class time was taken up doing things for the sake of the filming. Then I was interviewed and asked what I thought of NTU students. Thankfully I knew plenty from teaching them at Kim's.
Another great thing this time is the discovery of several vegan restaurants. The food here has been incredibly delicious. I leave full and totally satisfied. Hien told her parents that I was a vegetarian and she made one of the best home cooked meals I've ever had, with no animal products at all. I didn't know they could do that. I'm asking for recipes and instructions.
I even had 4 shots of Hien's dad's home brewed wiskey. I shouldn't have because it gave me a headache. Either way, the food here in Nha Trang has been wonderful. This is the easiest it's ever been for me to eat a plant based diet.
I miss my home and family and friends a lot. It's hard to describe the feeling. I am a stranger in a strange land and at the same time the Vietnamese are so kind and easy to be with. Especially my students. It's like I'm not comfortably at home, and I can't stay here forever, but I feel so useful and appreciated. I guess half the year here and half the year in Rhode Island is a good balance.
Lastly, as many of you know my mom passed away while I was in America over the holidays. At first it wasn't too difficult missing her because we had just been with her, but it seems that as time goes by I miss her more. The farther away it gets from her hugs and kisses the more I miss them. Thankfully, I can still feel her presence and hear her voice clearly in my ear. I hear her familiar "Hi Hon," the way she always answered the phone when I called her. When I let the sounds of the day go and quiet my mind I can always hear her "Hi Hon." And then I see her smiling... love ya mom, miss ya.
My first day at NTU they had a film crew there. Half of the class time was taken up doing things for the sake of the filming. Then I was interviewed and asked what I thought of NTU students. Thankfully I knew plenty from teaching them at Kim's.
Another great thing this time is the discovery of several vegan restaurants. The food here has been incredibly delicious. I leave full and totally satisfied. Hien told her parents that I was a vegetarian and she made one of the best home cooked meals I've ever had, with no animal products at all. I didn't know they could do that. I'm asking for recipes and instructions.
I miss my home and family and friends a lot. It's hard to describe the feeling. I am a stranger in a strange land and at the same time the Vietnamese are so kind and easy to be with. Especially my students. It's like I'm not comfortably at home, and I can't stay here forever, but I feel so useful and appreciated. I guess half the year here and half the year in Rhode Island is a good balance.
Lastly, as many of you know my mom passed away while I was in America over the holidays. At first it wasn't too difficult missing her because we had just been with her, but it seems that as time goes by I miss her more. The farther away it gets from her hugs and kisses the more I miss them. Thankfully, I can still feel her presence and hear her voice clearly in my ear. I hear her familiar "Hi Hon," the way she always answered the phone when I called her. When I let the sounds of the day go and quiet my mind I can always hear her "Hi Hon." And then I see her smiling... love ya mom, miss ya.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Leaving Vietnam
Heavy heart. Sitting at the airport in Cam Ranh waiting for the plane to take me to Ho Chi Minh Cith where I will leave for home tomorrow. Heavy heart.
This trip was at times a struggle. Three months of mostly rain, noise, and neighbors without boundaries. I found myself yesterday cursing to myself everything I heard a driver honk a horn. And frustrated that the sun had finally come out and the water was clearing up, now that I am going home for Christmas. I am happy and sad to be going home.
On Sunday we had a big party at my house with students from Crazy Kim's school. They are the bright shining light of my life in Vietnam. On Tuesday we had another little going away lunch at the home of one of my students in the morning class. I'm happy that both my morning and evening classes have native English speaking teachers to take over. I'm not happy about their methods. (Mostly they talk and students listen. How satisfying for them and useless for their students.)
It is a lot of work to get here and a lot of work to leave. I had to buy a lot of things for the house which I am leaving. My rental house is a small mirror of Vietnam. A view of the South China Sea to die for and the constant bombardment of noise from the street traffic 20 yards from my front door. So frustrating.
Went for a boat tour of some islands on Saturday. Tour guide looked a lot like president Obama.
I do love Vietnam in a way I've never loved another country. And I love the Vietnamese people in a special way. I don't know what the future will bring. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to breathe and just be present and see what unfolds. I'm a little scared. I'm trying to just accept my sadness and uncertainty. I'm sure I will know what to do when the time comes.
Well, America here I come! Can't wait for Christmas, can't wait to see friends and family!
This trip was at times a struggle. Three months of mostly rain, noise, and neighbors without boundaries. I found myself yesterday cursing to myself everything I heard a driver honk a horn. And frustrated that the sun had finally come out and the water was clearing up, now that I am going home for Christmas. I am happy and sad to be going home.
On Sunday we had a big party at my house with students from Crazy Kim's school. They are the bright shining light of my life in Vietnam. On Tuesday we had another little going away lunch at the home of one of my students in the morning class. I'm happy that both my morning and evening classes have native English speaking teachers to take over. I'm not happy about their methods. (Mostly they talk and students listen. How satisfying for them and useless for their students.)
It is a lot of work to get here and a lot of work to leave. I had to buy a lot of things for the house which I am leaving. My rental house is a small mirror of Vietnam. A view of the South China Sea to die for and the constant bombardment of noise from the street traffic 20 yards from my front door. So frustrating.
Went for a boat tour of some islands on Saturday. Tour guide looked a lot like president Obama.
I do love Vietnam in a way I've never loved another country. And I love the Vietnamese people in a special way. I don't know what the future will bring. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to breathe and just be present and see what unfolds. I'm a little scared. I'm trying to just accept my sadness and uncertainty. I'm sure I will know what to do when the time comes.
Well, America here I come! Can't wait for Christmas, can't wait to see friends and family!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Brown and Gray
What a difference a year makes. Last winter we had sunshine and beach weather nearly everyday. This winter it's brown and gray everyday. The ocean is brown from being stirred up constantly and the sky is gray with clouds and rain...constantly. Nha Trang's colors are brown and grey and in a week or so I'll be trading those colors for New England's winter colors of...brown and gray. Shit.
This has not been a party by any means. The house that I have rented, while having a great view of the brown ocean, is bombarded by the sound of cars and motorbikes. It's almost impossible to practice my guitar. There is no peace here. I've found it difficult to eat a healthy diet. (Although I found a great vegetarian restaurant last night.) Even teaching has been a chore this winter. I don't know what it is but I haven't been able to find a formula for teaching a class that feels productive. What is the best way to teach English? I don't know and I'm frustrated. Thankfully the students are wonderful and I just love being with them.
Most difficult is a lack of Americans here that I can talk to and hang out with. I lost the one good friend I had here when I told him the truth about his teaching. He didn't appreciate my perspective and told me our "association" was unhealthy. So now he gets drunk and stoned everyday alone, with the idea that some organization is going to send him thousands of dollars to become enlightened by "Mr. Brad" on the only correct way to teach pronunciation. He barely survives on the money he makes tutoring out of his apartment.
I'm ready to come home and recharge my batteries. I broke out in a rash last week and I'm still itchy and can't stop scratching. I need some good wholesome food from Wholefoods. I need my mom's spaghetti and meatballs. I need some sunshine!
This has not been a party by any means. The house that I have rented, while having a great view of the brown ocean, is bombarded by the sound of cars and motorbikes. It's almost impossible to practice my guitar. There is no peace here. I've found it difficult to eat a healthy diet. (Although I found a great vegetarian restaurant last night.) Even teaching has been a chore this winter. I don't know what it is but I haven't been able to find a formula for teaching a class that feels productive. What is the best way to teach English? I don't know and I'm frustrated. Thankfully the students are wonderful and I just love being with them.
Most difficult is a lack of Americans here that I can talk to and hang out with. I lost the one good friend I had here when I told him the truth about his teaching. He didn't appreciate my perspective and told me our "association" was unhealthy. So now he gets drunk and stoned everyday alone, with the idea that some organization is going to send him thousands of dollars to become enlightened by "Mr. Brad" on the only correct way to teach pronunciation. He barely survives on the money he makes tutoring out of his apartment.
I'm ready to come home and recharge my batteries. I broke out in a rash last week and I'm still itchy and can't stop scratching. I need some good wholesome food from Wholefoods. I need my mom's spaghetti and meatballs. I need some sunshine!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Nothing Satisfies The Ego For Long
Eckhart Tolle points out that "nothing satisfies the ego for long." Isn't that the truth? I remember buying a Mercedes convertible in my younger crazy days. Boy, did I love that car! For about three months.
I've settled into living in Nha Trang like an ordinary person. I teach, I have a boss. I drive a motor bike like most of the people here, not a car like the rich. I do love Viet Nam. Most people are caring, playful, intelligent, and honest. The culture is quite different from America and much simpler. People enjoy ordinary things. They laugh and sing more. A mental health counselor could not make a living here.
"Nothing satisfies the ego for long." I found myself thinking this week..."well, the excitement of living in Nha Trang has certainly worn off." Life has become just...life, again. Am I happy or sad or bored or what? What do I feel now? Because I take time to meditate and reflect on the lessons I have learned over the years I realized that this is just what life is. We don't get to be excited all the time.
And then I thought about why I'm here. I've always felt I was needed here. I was needed to teach English and be a good person. At that point, I did not feel excited, but I certainly felt happy, and peaceful, and content. I supposed to be here. I'm being useful. Isn't that enough? Yes, it is.
Odds and Ends:
It's been raining like crazy still. No hot water because no sun. They say this is the worst it's been in 50 years.
I walked down to my kitchen one rainy afternoon and found two women sleeping there:
One Saturday in between all the rain I took a little ride out of the city along the coast and came across this waterfall on the side of the road:
I've settled into living in Nha Trang like an ordinary person. I teach, I have a boss. I drive a motor bike like most of the people here, not a car like the rich. I do love Viet Nam. Most people are caring, playful, intelligent, and honest. The culture is quite different from America and much simpler. People enjoy ordinary things. They laugh and sing more. A mental health counselor could not make a living here.
"Nothing satisfies the ego for long." I found myself thinking this week..."well, the excitement of living in Nha Trang has certainly worn off." Life has become just...life, again. Am I happy or sad or bored or what? What do I feel now? Because I take time to meditate and reflect on the lessons I have learned over the years I realized that this is just what life is. We don't get to be excited all the time.
And then I thought about why I'm here. I've always felt I was needed here. I was needed to teach English and be a good person. At that point, I did not feel excited, but I certainly felt happy, and peaceful, and content. I supposed to be here. I'm being useful. Isn't that enough? Yes, it is.
Odds and Ends:
It's been raining like crazy still. No hot water because no sun. They say this is the worst it's been in 50 years.
I walked down to my kitchen one rainy afternoon and found two women sleeping there:
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Good News Bad News
Well, I've been here two months now. One more month and I come home for Christmas.
The good news is that the rainy season should be ending soon. The bad news is that the dry, i.e. hot and sunny, season begins.
The good news is that now I'll have all the hot water I can use. The bad news is that I don't need any.
The good news is that I love living here. The bad news is that I love living in Westerly, too.
The good news is that they are paying me to teach. The bad news is that I make about $45 a week.
The good news is that my house overlooks the ocean. The bad news is that it overlooks a noisy highway.
The good news is that I lost 5 pounds last week. The bad news is that I had food poisoning last week.
The good news is that I ate a lot of raw food last week. The bad news is that I had one raw food too many last week.
The good news is that I blocked up the hole that the rat was getting into the house through. The bad news is that he found another way in.
The good news is that I'm really studying Vietnamese a lot. The bad news is that I can't even ask for grilled chicken and be understood yet.
And lastly, the good news is that I just washed all the floors in my house. The bad news is that they will need to be washed again tomorrow!
The good news is that the rainy season should be ending soon. The bad news is that the dry, i.e. hot and sunny, season begins.
The good news is that now I'll have all the hot water I can use. The bad news is that I don't need any.
The good news is that I love living here. The bad news is that I love living in Westerly, too.
The good news is that they are paying me to teach. The bad news is that I make about $45 a week.
The good news is that my house overlooks the ocean. The bad news is that it overlooks a noisy highway.
The good news is that I lost 5 pounds last week. The bad news is that I had food poisoning last week.
The good news is that I ate a lot of raw food last week. The bad news is that I had one raw food too many last week.
The good news is that I blocked up the hole that the rat was getting into the house through. The bad news is that he found another way in.
The good news is that I'm really studying Vietnamese a lot. The bad news is that I can't even ask for grilled chicken and be understood yet.
And lastly, the good news is that I just washed all the floors in my house. The bad news is that they will need to be washed again tomorrow!
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