Happy Lunar New Year!

Chuc mung nam moi! Just celebrated the Lunar New Year. For the Vietnamese, the New Year's celebration is like Christmas, New Year's, and Easter all rolled into one. Basically all of Vietnam is on vacation for 10 days.  People all over the country go home to visit their families. Unfortunately for me this is not a good thing. The hotel rates double and so do the Vietnamese tourists trashing the beach.

Sorry to report there is no drama any more. Lam still tries to see me and sometimes I let her make her case for a while. She tries to tell me that she has changed. Wouldn't that be wonderful if we could all change our personalities over night just like that. Anyway, I am enjoying my solitude and peace of mind.

My son Frankie arrived a week ago and daughter-in-law Megan a few days later. It has been nice having them here. Both really like Nha Trang, the food, the beach, the weather, probably most of all the cheap alcohol and night life.

School is out for two weeks because of the Tet holiday and at first I was happy to have the time off but now I'm missing the kids again. I would have to say that being with my students is the most enjoyable thing I do here. I'd rather be with them than with any of the expats, the locals, even reading on the beach.

I am learning more than ever that happiness is not something you can find or go to a place and have. In fact, life itself is always presenting challenges that makes happiness always a momentary thing. I begin to see that life requires us to be always alert, learning, paying attention. No matter how good things are we can always fall into unhappiness and complain. We must learn to love what is. Even when the beach gets totally trashed by ignorant people. So, here I am, loving what is.

Free At Last

It was a brilliant idea. Lam started coming to school with me last week. I taught the class downstairs, she took the beginners class upstairs. I would sneak out of class, run to the hotel, pack, and escape. Class is one and a half hours long, giving me plenty of time.

I was still scared to death. This thing had taken on a life of its own. I had become a prisoner of my own fear and guilt. But I would try one more time. I swear to God that she can read my mind, because when the day arrived she decided that she wasn't going to class any more. I just knew that she knew what I was planning.

Before I left for class Lam asked for money to go food shopping and put gas in the motor bike. Ah, maybe here is another opportunity. Not as safe as the other one, but she would have to be gone for maybe 30 minutes. I went to class, told them I would not be teaching that day, and walked back to the hotel. She had already left so I wasn't sure how much time I had.

There were two maids in the room cleaning when I arrived. I told them my girlfriend was crazy and I was leaving. They both helped me pack, which in the end saved me. Had they not been there I might have chickened out, like every other time. This time I couldn't. I was so scared of her returning and catching me I was drentched in sweat. Then ran to check out and hop in a taxi to freedom. Five minutes later my cell phone rang. It was Lam. I just barely made it out in time.

Holed up in my hotel room I was feeling pretty lousy about what I had just done. I imagined what Lam was going through at that moment. How she had to pack up and leave the hotel in total humiliation. (The desk girl told me today that she was crying when she left.) I couldn't have felt worse and was probably regretting my decision.

After skyping my son in Ha Noi I had to get out of the hotel. I took a valium to calm my nerves and kill the guilt. I walked to the other end of the beach so that I wouldn't run into Lam. I figured that she might be looking for me already. Within minutes of reaching the beach a group of Vietnamese men and women drinking beer and eating peanuts asked me to sit down and join them.  It didn't take long for them to get four beers into me on an empty stomach. That and the valium made things look much better.

They insisted that I then come with them to their house for a late lunch. Which I did. There were about 20 people already eating when we arrived. I was the guest of honor and entertainment for the meal. It was delicious but don't ask me what I ate execpt there was rice involved. Then one of the men brought me back to the beach.

Within 5 minutes Lam had tracked me down. Maybe she has a tracking device planted on me. Or maybe she was patrolling all of Nha Trang. I don't know, but she found me much faster than I thought possible. She cried of course. At least she wasn't crazy and did not make a scene. I listened for a while and then walked away. She followed by motorbike. Eventually I was able to slip her and get back to my hotel unnoticed.

I canceled class for the night, I was still pretty much out of it. And that was that. I'm free. Sort of.

The next morning she found me jogging and tried to persuade me to let her back. I wasn't moved at all. That kind of surprised me.  However she did follow me to my hotel and now knows where I'm staying, but she can't enter. Later in the afternoon I went to another beach to read and relax. She found me there too. So, I am being followed, I wouldn't call it stalking yet. She keeps crying and telling me to give her another chance and I said that she already had enough chances and that I just want to live alone again in peace and without stress. The more she talks the more I am certain that it's over and I'll never go back. Her persistence just emphasizes all the more how controlling she has been over me. She's relentless. And now it's my turn to be relentlessly free of her.

Frankie arrives tomorrow night and next week is the big Tet celebration and school will be closed for ten days after that. I think I will head up to Ha Long bay for a week to let things settle down down here. Maybe by the time I get back she'll be over it. What a dreadful lesson this has been. I never dreamed that one person could control and manipulate me like she did. As strong as I thought I was, I wasn't. I will think twice before I ever let a women live with me again. As smart as I thought I was, I was still pretty dumb. At least now I know I'm dumb. And that is pretty smart.

Now for the good news. This is the last you will hear of Lam. Maybe just a few tidbits, but the drama is over. Back to a normal life and what it's really like living in Viet Nam.

Don't Read This Blog!

Really, don't read this blog. I am just writing it so that I can remember what a complete idiot I am so that I will never do this again. If you are still reading stop now, you are only going to be disappointed and frustrated. It's just more of the same. You know the movie Ground Hog Day. Well this is it here in Viet Nam.

This is how bad it is. Remember the first Godfather movie? The scene where Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) is sitting at the table with the police commsioner and mobster. Michael has a gun hidden under the table and the camera focuses on his face. You see perfectly what he is thinking and the fear in his eyes as he is about to committ his first murders. A truly unforgettable scene. Imagine his anguish. Now imagine living a whole day like that. That is what I went through yesterday as I prepared to end things with Lam...again.

The thought of going through with either telling her to her face or sneeking off while she is gone had me thinking about Michael Corleone all f**king day! I'm not even exaggerating.

Going back exactly one week, that was the first time, this time around, that I told her I was leaving. In stead of getting angry, which is what I expected, she cried pathetically. Until in the end I gave in.

Now back to yesterday. I decided that face to face wouldn't work so I would run. I told the girls at the desk to call me as soon as Lam left the room. I went to teach class. She never left the room. I couldn't take it any longer and arrived back at the hotel and told her, again, it was over. The crying started again. I was prepared this time. But she was better prepared and outlasted me. I gave in after three hours.

This morning I woke up at 2:30 am. I had to do something. I started to doze off and a fragment of a dream comes to me. Lam says "this is like Fatal Attraction. It didn't work for Glenn Close, but it is working for me." That's it I said to myself. I determined that I would sneak off in the morning when we went to exercise. I never did fall back to sleep. When 6 am came around we went out, I took off for a run and she walked behind me. I circled back to the hotel, careful not to be seen, got the room key and started up the stairs. I stopped. Filled with dread I turned around and gave the key back and went running in defeat.

Two miles later, full of shame, I talk myself into trying again. I head to the hotel, get the room key, get to the room and start packing. Half way through I chicken out and unpack. Hating her control over me, I begin packing again. This time I get nearly packed and lose my nerve, cursing myself, I unpack once more. Bolting out the door to go jogging again I run into Lam at the elevator. "What are you doing?" she says. I tell her I had to poop and we go back to the beach.

If you read this far, shame on you. I told you not to read this. If you did read this far I hope you had a good laugh, because when I get away from this mess I will too. Thank God that I'm teaching and still loving every minute of being in Nha Trang. Even living with Miss Fatal Attraction.