Vietnamese Engagement Ceremony

In America getting engaged is a simple thing. Not in Vietnam. At first To Anh told me it was just a matter of a little party at her parents house. I wish.

Preparations included: getting a ring (lucky for me To Anh picked out a simple small diamond), getting a suit for me and an ao dai for her, and buying the traditional gifts to present to the bride's family.

The ceremony, to me, was a combination bachelor party, shower, mini-wedding. To Anh's uncle and some other relatives met me at the hotel I was staying at and picked up presents and guests. From there we had a caravan of three cars to To Anh's house. Two photographers filmed and took pictures of everything.

Upon arrival, an hour's drive to the countryside, we were greeted by members of To Anh's family, who took the gifts into the house where the ceremony would take place. Essentially what happened then was, a woman representing my side asked To Anh's father permission for me to marry To Anh. He didn't say much that I could tell. And then I was expected to say something. In my best Vietnamese I said I was sorry my family couldn't be here, and that I would love To Anh forever. Then I gave her the ring and that was about it.

After that we all sat down to a banquet of excellent Vietnamese food. There were about 50 guests in all. Pictures were taken just like at a wedding. The whole thing was over in a couple of hours.

We plan to get married in October. (Marriage subject to approval by the People's Committee.) We haven't decided what our family would be, communist or capitalist or catholic...

Getting Engaged

I write this on the eve of the Vietnamese Engagement Ceremony. In Vietnam you don't just ask a girl to marry you and give her a ring. Nope. More about that in the next post. The following is what led me to this point.

I met To Anh when she was a student at Crazy Kim's, where I volunteer teach English, a year and a half ago. You could say I was crazy about her from that moment on. Nothing happened for half a year. I had a girlfriend and I didn't think that she would be interested in a foreign guy. (Besides, she was just to pretty and smart.)

As things turned out, she had the same thoughts. Although she didn't have a boyfriend. Seven months later when I was unattached, and she was no longer a student of mine (she got a good job using her knowledge of English to get it)  I finally asked her out to dinner. She said no. (Later she told me Vietnamese girls always say no the first time.) Eventually we exchanged phone numbers and emails. By the time I left for America at the end of May I suspected she was interested in me.

We spent the summer skyping each other and agreed to date when I returned in September. Things have been progressing ever since, to the point where I am sure I want to marry her.

So, after being single for the last 28 years, why get married now? First of all, it feels right. While To Anh and I have our fights and disagreements, mostly because of cultural differences and misunderstandings, we feel like a team. I feel comfortable sharing my life with her in a way until now I never had with anyone else. The infatuation stage is long gone. But, even so, even beyond the physical attraction, my life here is so much richer with her.

Why To Anh? Well, most men have a list of what they want in the ideal woman. So do I, and she pretty much has everything I look for. Kind and generous (like my mom and sister), smart and willing to work hard (like my dad), good looking and sexy (like me,ha ha). I have never dated a woman who I had chemistry with, and who I had great respect for. It was usually one or the other. Neither of us are late night partyer's. She is entrepreneurial like I am. She has started several small businesses and now is partners with two wonderful women in a legal document company.  (I help out and work there with them a few hours a week, which I enjoy immensely.) Mostly providing document services for foreigners.

So, here I am, on the verge of a Vietnamese Engagement Ceremony. I'm not scared. Even though this approaches the seriousness of an actual wedding. In my heart it feels right. I trust that God is guiding me  to where I am meant to go. I truly believe nothing happens by chance. And everything happens for a reason, mostly for the evolution of our consciousness.