Don't Read This Blog!

Really, don't read this blog. I am just writing it so that I can remember what a complete idiot I am so that I will never do this again. If you are still reading stop now, you are only going to be disappointed and frustrated. It's just more of the same. You know the movie Ground Hog Day. Well this is it here in Viet Nam.

This is how bad it is. Remember the first Godfather movie? The scene where Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) is sitting at the table with the police commsioner and mobster. Michael has a gun hidden under the table and the camera focuses on his face. You see perfectly what he is thinking and the fear in his eyes as he is about to committ his first murders. A truly unforgettable scene. Imagine his anguish. Now imagine living a whole day like that. That is what I went through yesterday as I prepared to end things with Lam...again.

The thought of going through with either telling her to her face or sneeking off while she is gone had me thinking about Michael Corleone all f**king day! I'm not even exaggerating.

Going back exactly one week, that was the first time, this time around, that I told her I was leaving. In stead of getting angry, which is what I expected, she cried pathetically. Until in the end I gave in.

Now back to yesterday. I decided that face to face wouldn't work so I would run. I told the girls at the desk to call me as soon as Lam left the room. I went to teach class. She never left the room. I couldn't take it any longer and arrived back at the hotel and told her, again, it was over. The crying started again. I was prepared this time. But she was better prepared and outlasted me. I gave in after three hours.

This morning I woke up at 2:30 am. I had to do something. I started to doze off and a fragment of a dream comes to me. Lam says "this is like Fatal Attraction. It didn't work for Glenn Close, but it is working for me." That's it I said to myself. I determined that I would sneak off in the morning when we went to exercise. I never did fall back to sleep. When 6 am came around we went out, I took off for a run and she walked behind me. I circled back to the hotel, careful not to be seen, got the room key and started up the stairs. I stopped. Filled with dread I turned around and gave the key back and went running in defeat.

Two miles later, full of shame, I talk myself into trying again. I head to the hotel, get the room key, get to the room and start packing. Half way through I chicken out and unpack. Hating her control over me, I begin packing again. This time I get nearly packed and lose my nerve, cursing myself, I unpack once more. Bolting out the door to go jogging again I run into Lam at the elevator. "What are you doing?" she says. I tell her I had to poop and we go back to the beach.

If you read this far, shame on you. I told you not to read this. If you did read this far I hope you had a good laugh, because when I get away from this mess I will too. Thank God that I'm teaching and still loving every minute of being in Nha Trang. Even living with Miss Fatal Attraction.