"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness." Eckhart Tolle
Every time I arrive in Ho Chi Minh City I become anxious. I'm not an anxious person. I think it is the extreme jet lag. And being so far from home. 12,000 miles. It doesn't get much farther. Last night I took a sleeping pill and that worked well. I slept from 1am till 6am. Got up and ran 5 miles. Still tired this afternoon...and a bit anxious.
Speaking of anxious, Lam was there to meet me at the airport when I arrived. I wasn't surprised. She was as distraught as a person can be. Shaking. Crying. Scared that I would send her away. I prepared myself as best I could for this. I knew there was a possibility that she would be there. I had emailed her saying that I didn't want to see her again. But she had called and emailed everyday asking me to forgive her.
I had decided beforehand not to decide. I figured that I would know what to do when the situation arose. I could not send her away. She looked like she hadn't eaten in the month since I left. She was as desperate as anyone I'd ever seen. There was no way I could get away without having a dramatic scene on my hands.
She said that she realized how wrong she had been and would I give her another chance. As crazy as she had been I always cared for her. I still do. She promised that if she ever acted like she did in the past that she would go away on her own. (I highly doubt that.)
I'm not in any danger. Lam may be capable of hurting herself, but I don't think she would hurt me. Everyone deserves second chances. And I am sure that I could have treated her better in Nha Trang. I can't send her away. Not like this.
Jet lag is the price I pay to live here in Viet Nam. I'm tired and a little scared. As usual. Both feelings will dissolve soon. Eckhart Tolle says that "Life is the dancer and that we are the dance." Most people think that we are the dancers of our lives, but I think Tolle is right. I did not choose this situation. Life is asking for the dance now. I'm curious to see how it goes. The universe is a safe place.
"Yes, I'd love to dance this dance with you."
About Me
- Frank Ferendo
- Someone who is learning to be more conscious in all that I am. Living more and more in the present moment.
"....would I give her another chance.....She promised that if she ever acted like she did in the past that she would go away on her own."
ReplyDeleteDid she mean like freaking out, desperation and threatening a scene if she can't get her way? Good, I'm gald to hear if that happens she'll just flip the switch and be different, that's a relief...gotta love ya big guy, you sure know what you want...be safe mi amigo. I know my view is limited and distant, but I care for you.
" I did not choose this situation"
ReplyDeleteMaybe not consciously, but you surely did on some level. Don't invalidate that. We only get what our vibration puts out and asks for, you just need to figure out how to alter your vibration so this situation is no longer attracted to you, then it will dissipate painlessly.