I learned several new words today. One is "ngu ngoc." "Asshole." I like to practice new words as soon as possible so when I went to pick up a vegetarian grinder I taught the sidewalk vending lady how to say "asshole." She loved it. I loved it. We had a good giggle, as my British friends would say. It's one of the things that makes living here so enjoyable.
Much of my day is filled with these short encounters. My social network works well for me even though I have few, actually zero, people that I can talk about serious matters with (now that Brad killed himself). I have lived long enough to know that lasting happiness comes only from being kind, being helpful, being compassionate, being...and not doing.
Every other day someone talks about making money, investing in this or that, how about starting a language school. That's fine for someone at another stage of life. But I recognize that I am not there. I am clearly in Erikson's Generativity stage of development. As I understand it, that means concern for the next generation. For me, that means making life better for everyone younger than me. A sense of guiding and being useful. I know this is what I must do to find peace, happiness, fulfillment at this point in my life and it comes fairly easily. It only requires presence of mind. Being mindful. Reminding myself. Stopping the chattering mind and continuous thoughts every so often throughout the day.
Living in Vietnam gives me plenty of daily opportunities to be myself. And I am thankful for that.
And after 4 and a half months here I am thankful to be going home to be with my family and spend the summer being useful to the next generation of my own flesh and blood. Life is good. I'm happy here and there. Can anyone ask for more?
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Vietnamese Engagement Ceremony
In America getting engaged is a simple thing. Not in Vietnam. At first To Anh told me it was just a matter of a little party at her parents house. I wish.
Preparations included: getting a ring (lucky for me To Anh picked out a simple small diamond), getting a suit for me and an ao dai for her, and buying the traditional gifts to present to the bride's family.
The ceremony, to me, was a combination bachelor party, shower, mini-wedding. To Anh's uncle and some other relatives met me at the hotel I was staying at and picked up presents and guests. From there we had a caravan of three cars to To Anh's house. Two photographers filmed and took pictures of everything.
Upon arrival, an hour's drive to the countryside, we were greeted by members of To Anh's family, who took the gifts into the house where the ceremony would take place. Essentially what happened then was, a woman representing my side asked To Anh's father permission for me to marry To Anh. He didn't say much that I could tell. And then I was expected to say something. In my best Vietnamese I said I was sorry my family couldn't be here, and that I would love To Anh forever. Then I gave her the ring and that was about it.
After that we all sat down to a banquet of excellent Vietnamese food. There were about 50 guests in all. Pictures were taken just like at a wedding. The whole thing was over in a couple of hours.
We plan to get married in October. (Marriage subject to approval by the People's Committee.) We haven't decided what our family would be, communist or capitalist or catholic...
Preparations included: getting a ring (lucky for me To Anh picked out a simple small diamond), getting a suit for me and an ao dai for her, and buying the traditional gifts to present to the bride's family.
The ceremony, to me, was a combination bachelor party, shower, mini-wedding. To Anh's uncle and some other relatives met me at the hotel I was staying at and picked up presents and guests. From there we had a caravan of three cars to To Anh's house. Two photographers filmed and took pictures of everything.
Upon arrival, an hour's drive to the countryside, we were greeted by members of To Anh's family, who took the gifts into the house where the ceremony would take place. Essentially what happened then was, a woman representing my side asked To Anh's father permission for me to marry To Anh. He didn't say much that I could tell. And then I was expected to say something. In my best Vietnamese I said I was sorry my family couldn't be here, and that I would love To Anh forever. Then I gave her the ring and that was about it.
After that we all sat down to a banquet of excellent Vietnamese food. There were about 50 guests in all. Pictures were taken just like at a wedding. The whole thing was over in a couple of hours.
We plan to get married in October. (Marriage subject to approval by the People's Committee.) We haven't decided what our family would be, communist or capitalist or catholic...
Monday, March 26, 2012
Getting Engaged
I write this on the eve of the Vietnamese Engagement Ceremony. In Vietnam you don't just ask a girl to marry you and give her a ring. Nope. More about that in the next post. The following is what led me to this point.
I met To Anh when she was a student at Crazy Kim's, where I volunteer teach English, a year and a half ago. You could say I was crazy about her from that moment on. Nothing happened for half a year. I had a girlfriend and I didn't think that she would be interested in a foreign guy. (Besides, she was just to pretty and smart.)
As things turned out, she had the same thoughts. Although she didn't have a boyfriend. Seven months later when I was unattached, and she was no longer a student of mine (she got a good job using her knowledge of English to get it) I finally asked her out to dinner. She said no. (Later she told me Vietnamese girls always say no the first time.) Eventually we exchanged phone numbers and emails. By the time I left for America at the end of May I suspected she was interested in me.
We spent the summer skyping each other and agreed to date when I returned in September. Things have been progressing ever since, to the point where I am sure I want to marry her.
.JPG)
So, after being single for the last 28 years, why get married now? First of all, it feels right. While To Anh and I have our fights and disagreements, mostly because of cultural differences and misunderstandings, we feel like a team. I feel comfortable sharing my life with her in a way until now I never had with anyone else. The infatuation stage is long gone. But, even so, even beyond the physical attraction, my life here is so much richer with her.
Why To Anh? Well, most men have a list of what they want in the ideal woman. So do I, and she pretty much has everything I look for. Kind and generous (like my mom and sister), smart and willing to work hard (like my dad), good looking and sexy (like me,ha ha). I have never dated a woman who I had chemistry with, and who I had great respect for. It was usually one or the other. Neither of us are late night partyer's. She is entrepreneurial like I am. She has started several small businesses and now is partners with two wonderful women in a legal document company. (I help out and work there with them a few hours a week, which I enjoy immensely.) Mostly providing document services for foreigners.
So, here I am, on the verge of a Vietnamese Engagement Ceremony. I'm not scared. Even though this approaches the seriousness of an actual wedding. In my heart it feels right. I trust that God is guiding me to where I am meant to go. I truly believe nothing happens by chance. And everything happens for a reason, mostly for the evolution of our consciousness.
I met To Anh when she was a student at Crazy Kim's, where I volunteer teach English, a year and a half ago. You could say I was crazy about her from that moment on. Nothing happened for half a year. I had a girlfriend and I didn't think that she would be interested in a foreign guy. (Besides, she was just to pretty and smart.)
As things turned out, she had the same thoughts. Although she didn't have a boyfriend. Seven months later when I was unattached, and she was no longer a student of mine (she got a good job using her knowledge of English to get it) I finally asked her out to dinner. She said no. (Later she told me Vietnamese girls always say no the first time.) Eventually we exchanged phone numbers and emails. By the time I left for America at the end of May I suspected she was interested in me.
We spent the summer skyping each other and agreed to date when I returned in September. Things have been progressing ever since, to the point where I am sure I want to marry her.
So, after being single for the last 28 years, why get married now? First of all, it feels right. While To Anh and I have our fights and disagreements, mostly because of cultural differences and misunderstandings, we feel like a team. I feel comfortable sharing my life with her in a way until now I never had with anyone else. The infatuation stage is long gone. But, even so, even beyond the physical attraction, my life here is so much richer with her.
Why To Anh? Well, most men have a list of what they want in the ideal woman. So do I, and she pretty much has everything I look for. Kind and generous (like my mom and sister), smart and willing to work hard (like my dad), good looking and sexy (like me,ha ha). I have never dated a woman who I had chemistry with, and who I had great respect for. It was usually one or the other. Neither of us are late night partyer's. She is entrepreneurial like I am. She has started several small businesses and now is partners with two wonderful women in a legal document company. (I help out and work there with them a few hours a week, which I enjoy immensely.) Mostly providing document services for foreigners.
So, here I am, on the verge of a Vietnamese Engagement Ceremony. I'm not scared. Even though this approaches the seriousness of an actual wedding. In my heart it feels right. I trust that God is guiding me to where I am meant to go. I truly believe nothing happens by chance. And everything happens for a reason, mostly for the evolution of our consciousness.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Tet Holiday In Vietnam
After spending a month home for the Christmas holidays I returned to Vietnam just in time for their biggest holiday of the year, Tet. I spent a week back in Nha Trang recovering from jet lag and then off to the countryside with my girlfriend. Nearly all Vietnamese return home for Tet.
To Anh's uncle picked us up in his new Mercedes and drove us the 160 kilometers north, past the the city of Tuy Hoà, and west to Sơn Hoà, where her parents live. (Using money sent from America by relatives, the uncle created a small fortune for himself by buying real estate in Saigon. The rest of the family here is poor by American standards, but middle class for Vietnam.)
This was my second visit to To Anh's parents' home and pretty much knew what to expect. The only real inconvenience was the cold water showers. I stayed for 8 days. There was not a lot to do except to watch movies and read. The Tet holidays in the countryside mostly involve visiting relatives and eating. For me, that meant watching a lot of eating because I just couldn't get past the pig's ears and various other parts of pig anatomy. (I ate a lot of fried rice.)
The best part of my holiday was taking long walks down farm roads in the morning and down to the river in the afternoon. Again, the Vietnamese people are incredibly warm and friendly to me. The only hitch was when the police came by and wanted to know why I hadn't registered with them. (It's kind of a law.) All that meant was going to the station and filling out a form. Since we hadn't To Anh had to give them a little "lucky money." ($10)
On the next to last day I broke off one of my front tooth veneers eating watermelon seeds. ( A big Vietnamese pastime. Eating seeds, that is.) To Anh's younger brother drove me back to Nha Trang in the family's minivan (they run a transportation service). I had offered to pay, but they wouldn't accept.
Back in Nha Trang life is good. The weather is like late spring in Rhode Island. There are enough teachers at Crazy Kim School and the spring semester at the University hasn't started so I'm not teaching yet. Which allows me to spend a lot of time studying Vietnamese with my tutors. It is my passion to some day become fluent.
To Anh's uncle picked us up in his new Mercedes and drove us the 160 kilometers north, past the the city of Tuy Hoà, and west to Sơn Hoà, where her parents live. (Using money sent from America by relatives, the uncle created a small fortune for himself by buying real estate in Saigon. The rest of the family here is poor by American standards, but middle class for Vietnam.)
This was my second visit to To Anh's parents' home and pretty much knew what to expect. The only real inconvenience was the cold water showers. I stayed for 8 days. There was not a lot to do except to watch movies and read. The Tet holidays in the countryside mostly involve visiting relatives and eating. For me, that meant watching a lot of eating because I just couldn't get past the pig's ears and various other parts of pig anatomy. (I ate a lot of fried rice.)
The best part of my holiday was taking long walks down farm roads in the morning and down to the river in the afternoon. Again, the Vietnamese people are incredibly warm and friendly to me. The only hitch was when the police came by and wanted to know why I hadn't registered with them. (It's kind of a law.) All that meant was going to the station and filling out a form. Since we hadn't To Anh had to give them a little "lucky money." ($10)
On the next to last day I broke off one of my front tooth veneers eating watermelon seeds. ( A big Vietnamese pastime. Eating seeds, that is.) To Anh's younger brother drove me back to Nha Trang in the family's minivan (they run a transportation service). I had offered to pay, but they wouldn't accept.
Back in Nha Trang life is good. The weather is like late spring in Rhode Island. There are enough teachers at Crazy Kim School and the spring semester at the University hasn't started so I'm not teaching yet. Which allows me to spend a lot of time studying Vietnamese with my tutors. It is my passion to some day become fluent.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Coming Home For Christmas
I'm back in Rhode Island for the Christmas holidays. It's been three days and my body is working overtime to adjust to the time difference and cold weather. I've been up since 2am and I dare not go out because the temperature is around freezing. (I'm used to 73 degrees at night and sleeping with the fan on.) But, my son is home with me, and I'm enjoying his company, and my dad is close by and I'm enjoying keeping him company.
Before I left Vietnam I had the pleasure of Mike Ryan's company for 5 days. We drank coffee, talked about the wonders of Viet Nam, took a day trip down down the coast to Long Beach for some swimming and surfing, and then a quick trip to the mountain town of Da Lat where most of our vegetables come from. Everything was pleasant except for the bus ride through the mountains. I was sure we would fall off the road and be killed. It was great to share the Vietnam experience with my childhood friend. (We've know each other since 1962 and little league and birthday parties and Cajun dancing.)
In other news, my girlfriend's company closed down when the husband and wife owners left town with billions of Vietnamese dong ( I'm guessing about $5 million) that they scammed investors from in a Berni Madoff type ponzi scheme. Right now they have the police and the Vietnamese mafia after them. Both the mafia and the police came to the office to take whatever they could. One employee, who was owed money, took off with all the office furniture. (I was offered the directors chair for $50, but didn't take it because it's not my style.)
My girlfriend, being the entrepreneurial type and having a degree in accounting, and having started two other businesses, walked off with the customer files and Rolodex. The next day she and colleagues rented office space and opened their own consulting services company. This is a good thing for me because the services they provide includes obtaining legal documents for foreigners, such as residency and work permits, visas, licences, and motor bike registration. The first week she registered my bike for me at cost. Nice, I now have my own foreigners plates. She also made more money her first week in business than her monthly salary working for the lawyers.
Here I am paying To Anh the money to register my motor bike in my name. A new law made it possible for foreigners to own bikes. Til then we had to put the bike in the name of a Vietnamese friend.
There is an added benefit here. Because I know a lot of foreigners and a lot about foreigners, she wants me to work with her in marketing the business. I'll get a commission. I like this a lot because I've been itching to get involved in some kind of business venture here and this is ideal. I'll help design and translate marketing literature and their website. It'll give me an excuse to talk to expats and put to use my business experience and education. (My own business, by the way, is surviving the great depression but not making any money these days.)
I don't plan on letting this interfere with my volunteer teaching or learning Vietnamese. I'll just have one more thing to keep me from being boring. (The Vietnamese always say boring when they mean bored.) Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep warm in chilly little Rhode Island with my family.
Before I left Vietnam I had the pleasure of Mike Ryan's company for 5 days. We drank coffee, talked about the wonders of Viet Nam, took a day trip down down the coast to Long Beach for some swimming and surfing, and then a quick trip to the mountain town of Da Lat where most of our vegetables come from. Everything was pleasant except for the bus ride through the mountains. I was sure we would fall off the road and be killed. It was great to share the Vietnam experience with my childhood friend. (We've know each other since 1962 and little league and birthday parties and Cajun dancing.)
In other news, my girlfriend's company closed down when the husband and wife owners left town with billions of Vietnamese dong ( I'm guessing about $5 million) that they scammed investors from in a Berni Madoff type ponzi scheme. Right now they have the police and the Vietnamese mafia after them. Both the mafia and the police came to the office to take whatever they could. One employee, who was owed money, took off with all the office furniture. (I was offered the directors chair for $50, but didn't take it because it's not my style.)
My girlfriend, being the entrepreneurial type and having a degree in accounting, and having started two other businesses, walked off with the customer files and Rolodex. The next day she and colleagues rented office space and opened their own consulting services company. This is a good thing for me because the services they provide includes obtaining legal documents for foreigners, such as residency and work permits, visas, licences, and motor bike registration. The first week she registered my bike for me at cost. Nice, I now have my own foreigners plates. She also made more money her first week in business than her monthly salary working for the lawyers.
Here I am paying To Anh the money to register my motor bike in my name. A new law made it possible for foreigners to own bikes. Til then we had to put the bike in the name of a Vietnamese friend.
There is an added benefit here. Because I know a lot of foreigners and a lot about foreigners, she wants me to work with her in marketing the business. I'll get a commission. I like this a lot because I've been itching to get involved in some kind of business venture here and this is ideal. I'll help design and translate marketing literature and their website. It'll give me an excuse to talk to expats and put to use my business experience and education. (My own business, by the way, is surviving the great depression but not making any money these days.)
I don't plan on letting this interfere with my volunteer teaching or learning Vietnamese. I'll just have one more thing to keep me from being boring. (The Vietnamese always say boring when they mean bored.) Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep warm in chilly little Rhode Island with my family.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
To The Country
For the first time since I've been coming to Viet Nam I finally spent some time in the countryside. My girlfriend asked me to come with her to visit her parents...so. I was apprehensive. I mean, I'd be staying with them in their house.
"Do they have sit down toilets?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Toilet paper?"
"Yes!"
"Hot water?"
"Hot water??"
"No."
"Okay, fine. I'll go."
We took the train north along the coast for 120 kilometers and got off at Tuy Hoà. From there her brother took us by car to their home 38 kilometers inland. Big house. Lots of room. I would be sleeping in Tố Anh's bedroom. She would be sleeping with her parents on the living room floor. The other three bedrooms were empty. (They like sleeping in the living room because there is more air there.)
The next morning I went for my exercise walk alone. I now know what it is like to be a one man parade. I swear, everyone in town stopped to watch me go by. Strangers smiled, waved, and wanted to know where I was from. It was a very interesting experience. Even a cow pulling a plow had to stop and watch me pass by.
The only bad thing about my trip were the mosquitoes at night eating me alive in bed. Other than that I loved my stay there and the people who were so kind to us.
My fall stay in Nha Trang is winding down and I'll be coming home soon for Christmas. Looking forward to seeing my family and the holidays in Rhode Island. Some snow would be nice. One of my best and oldest friends, Mike Ryan, is here for a few days. Awesome having him visit. He's going to be building a house with the Habitat For Humanity down in the Delta. He taught one of my classes with me at Crazy Kim's. We are going up to Da Lat on Friday together.
I love my life. I get to teach here for a few months and then recharge back home in America, and do it all over again a month later. And then return to spend summer in Rhode Island. Nice.
"Do they have sit down toilets?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Toilet paper?"
"Yes!"
"Hot water?"
"Hot water??"
"No."
"Okay, fine. I'll go."
We took the train north along the coast for 120 kilometers and got off at Tuy Hoà. From there her brother took us by car to their home 38 kilometers inland. Big house. Lots of room. I would be sleeping in Tố Anh's bedroom. She would be sleeping with her parents on the living room floor. The other three bedrooms were empty. (They like sleeping in the living room because there is more air there.)
The next morning I went for my exercise walk alone. I now know what it is like to be a one man parade. I swear, everyone in town stopped to watch me go by. Strangers smiled, waved, and wanted to know where I was from. It was a very interesting experience. Even a cow pulling a plow had to stop and watch me pass by.
The only bad thing about my trip were the mosquitoes at night eating me alive in bed. Other than that I loved my stay there and the people who were so kind to us.
My fall stay in Nha Trang is winding down and I'll be coming home soon for Christmas. Looking forward to seeing my family and the holidays in Rhode Island. Some snow would be nice. One of my best and oldest friends, Mike Ryan, is here for a few days. Awesome having him visit. He's going to be building a house with the Habitat For Humanity down in the Delta. He taught one of my classes with me at Crazy Kim's. We are going up to Da Lat on Friday together.
I love my life. I get to teach here for a few months and then recharge back home in America, and do it all over again a month later. And then return to spend summer in Rhode Island. Nice.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Back To Nha Trang, Fall 2011
I returned to Viet Nam on Septmeber 8. Spent a night in Ho Chi Minh City and flew to Nha Trang the next day. I had an apartment ready waiting for me when I arrived. It was the same apartment building I was in last year, but the 5th floor (ocean view, mountain view, and quiet). Well worth the $50 more a month I will be paying.
The first three weeks was hot as hell here. But on October 1st the rainy season started right on time and things cooled off a bit, but that came with a price, rain every afternoon. I took a week to recover from the time change and began teaching at Crazy Kim mornings and evenings. The language school that I taught at last year fired me a couple of weeks before I came home. They said students were leaving the school because of me. Over the summer I got an email saying they made a mistake, would I please come back and teach. I stupidly said okay. Two weeks after I arrived they called me in to discuss my "employment status." Struck me as an odd thing to do. Turns out they wanted to fire me again, before I even started teaching. They said that now I was such a good teacher that I was stealing their students by teaching at Crazy Kim. I swear, some people should not be in business. I hope next time they would just send me an email terminating my services.
This year all the classrooms have flat screen TV's and I hook up my iPad to it and can show videos and all kinds of lecture materials, which makes the teaching much more effective and fun. I am teaching again at Nha Trang University and have 4 classes. All of them pronunciation. I really feel like a professor now. The students are so eager and cute.
I've been studying Vietnamese now for more than 3 years. This year I am passionate about learning it faster. So, I'm taking two classes a day. Between teaching 2 classes and taking 2 I'm quite busy and very happy about that. I also squeeze in time to practice my violin and guitar and run 5 miles in the morning. That leaves me with absolutely no time to get into trouble.
Even my love life has improved. Last year I was pretty attracted to one of my students but we did not express any interest in each other until after she got a job and stopped coming to classes. (The free ones at Crazy Kim.) Anyway, we exchanged email addresses and spent the summer Skyping each other most days. We've been dating since I returned. I'll just say the relationship is very comfortable, and she is quite remarkable. Maybe I've finally met one of those Vietnamese women that I've heard so much about but never seen. We are still in the infatuation stage so I won't make any predictions. A few things about her: has a good job working in a lawyer's office translating documents into English, nearly as tall as me, extremely pretty, sweet as can be, very ambitious but not greedy or materialistic. And she has a smile and laugh that can stop amaze me every time.
So, life is good here in Vietnam. I'm feeling useful, helping eager students to learn English. And I'm getting to learn a lot of things myself. Of all the things I can think of, there is nothing like learning and helping others to learn that is more rewarding and satisfying.
The first three weeks was hot as hell here. But on October 1st the rainy season started right on time and things cooled off a bit, but that came with a price, rain every afternoon. I took a week to recover from the time change and began teaching at Crazy Kim mornings and evenings. The language school that I taught at last year fired me a couple of weeks before I came home. They said students were leaving the school because of me. Over the summer I got an email saying they made a mistake, would I please come back and teach. I stupidly said okay. Two weeks after I arrived they called me in to discuss my "employment status." Struck me as an odd thing to do. Turns out they wanted to fire me again, before I even started teaching. They said that now I was such a good teacher that I was stealing their students by teaching at Crazy Kim. I swear, some people should not be in business. I hope next time they would just send me an email terminating my services.
This year all the classrooms have flat screen TV's and I hook up my iPad to it and can show videos and all kinds of lecture materials, which makes the teaching much more effective and fun. I am teaching again at Nha Trang University and have 4 classes. All of them pronunciation. I really feel like a professor now. The students are so eager and cute.
I've been studying Vietnamese now for more than 3 years. This year I am passionate about learning it faster. So, I'm taking two classes a day. Between teaching 2 classes and taking 2 I'm quite busy and very happy about that. I also squeeze in time to practice my violin and guitar and run 5 miles in the morning. That leaves me with absolutely no time to get into trouble.
Even my love life has improved. Last year I was pretty attracted to one of my students but we did not express any interest in each other until after she got a job and stopped coming to classes. (The free ones at Crazy Kim.) Anyway, we exchanged email addresses and spent the summer Skyping each other most days. We've been dating since I returned. I'll just say the relationship is very comfortable, and she is quite remarkable. Maybe I've finally met one of those Vietnamese women that I've heard so much about but never seen. We are still in the infatuation stage so I won't make any predictions. A few things about her: has a good job working in a lawyer's office translating documents into English, nearly as tall as me, extremely pretty, sweet as can be, very ambitious but not greedy or materialistic. And she has a smile and laugh that can stop amaze me every time.
So, life is good here in Vietnam. I'm feeling useful, helping eager students to learn English. And I'm getting to learn a lot of things myself. Of all the things I can think of, there is nothing like learning and helping others to learn that is more rewarding and satisfying.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
