I think it's time I stopped dating for a while. At least dating girls that can't speak English.
I wrote on Facebook about an incident where I told one that I was just teasing her. Turns out that what I really said was that I was just using her. She got real mad. Well, next time we got together I explained, in very good Vietnamese, the mix-up. I said the sentence again, clearly showing that I was using a word that I thought meant to tease. And she said, but why would you say that. And I said again that I misunderstood the meaning. And she said, again, but why would you say that. And I said again that I misunderstood the meaning. And she said again...At this point I told her it was time to go home. I don't want to see her ever again.
The last three girls that I have dated spoke no English. (All three happened to be hair dressers.) I thought that it would be good practice for me, and that my Vietnamese was good enough for us to communicate essential ideas. Turns out I is wrong. I don't know nearly enough Vietnamese to have a relationship like that.
Not only that but there were other problems. So, ladies, if you start complaining about the clothes I wear after only two dates, say goodbye. If you start asking me if I love you after two dates, the answer is no and say good bye. If you start talking about marriage after two dates the answer is no and good bye. And I'm definitely not having your baby. And if I take you out to dinner and you order a desert more expensive than my main meal, you guessed it, say good bye.
I'm not dating anyone anymore who cannot at least pronounce my name correctly. I'm tired of being called "Fun." I know there is no "fr" in Vietnamese or no "k" sound at the end of words, but I am certainly no "fun" when you talk for 5 minutes and I only understand every other word. Yes, I have a working vocabulary of about 2,000 Vietnamese words, but I need about 10,000 to speak fluently. Taking into consideration word frequency, I still only understand half of what you say.
So, at this point, I'm done with dating. (For a while anyway.)
(Footnote regarding my last post: I apologize for not being clear about Vietnamese girls. I should not have implied that all Vietnamese girls were like that. If it wasn't clear I was talking about the young ones with old guys.)
Friday, April 11, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Men, Women, Sex, and Stupidity in Vietnam
When a Vietnamese woman says "I love you," she really means "I want you." She really does. Well, that is the first part of the sentence. The sentence continues, "I want you... to buy me a house, a car, a ..." It has taken a number of years for me to make this translation, and many men here never do. They think "I love you" in Vietnamese is the same as "I love you" in English. If only they studied the language better.
An American friend of mine, in his early 60's, fell in love again recently with a 22 year-old. She offered to have his baby, her way of saying I love you, if he first bought her a house, a car, and an iPhone. Not necessarily in that order. He told me he is in love. I said he is in lust and needs to have his head examined.
Another good friend of mine, old enough to be collecting social security for a few years, likes to date girls (note: girls, not women) in their 20's. He is always disappointed when after eagerly taking up his dinner invitation they refuse his romantic advances. Eventually he will find one willing, but, he will have to pay.
In Vietnam when a women says she loves you what that really means is that she has evaluated you and decided that you probably have enough money to buy her the house, the car, the iPhone, you probably won't hit her if you get angry, you probably won't have a girlfriend on the side, and you aren't all that old, ugly, and fat.
Of course, when a foreign man says he loves a Vietnamese woman, he really means it. Well, he loves her body. Who wouldn't. 20 year-old Asian women are not hard to love. He doesn't love her mind, because of the language barrier you really have no idea what is going on in her head. And I don't think he enjoys going out to dinner with her. You see this all the time, the guy is looking at the girl because he is bored out of his mind, hoping she will say something. The girl is looking at her iPhone, hoping some one will text her because she is bored out of her mind.
It's a shame men have testicles. Wouldn't life be easier for us men if we had to turn them in after so many years. Okay boys, you've had your fun, time to go out to pasture. Wow, we could actually live our lives guided by the head that sits on top of our neck.
For me, I'm not complaining. I find all this one more of life's interesting experiments. I wonder what will happen next. It gives us guys something to talk about. Imagine how dull and boring life would be if we men didn't do the stupid things we do. Shit, we'd just sit around discussing sports. The games women involve us in are so much more interesting.
An American friend of mine, in his early 60's, fell in love again recently with a 22 year-old. She offered to have his baby, her way of saying I love you, if he first bought her a house, a car, and an iPhone. Not necessarily in that order. He told me he is in love. I said he is in lust and needs to have his head examined.
Another good friend of mine, old enough to be collecting social security for a few years, likes to date girls (note: girls, not women) in their 20's. He is always disappointed when after eagerly taking up his dinner invitation they refuse his romantic advances. Eventually he will find one willing, but, he will have to pay.
In Vietnam when a women says she loves you what that really means is that she has evaluated you and decided that you probably have enough money to buy her the house, the car, the iPhone, you probably won't hit her if you get angry, you probably won't have a girlfriend on the side, and you aren't all that old, ugly, and fat.
Of course, when a foreign man says he loves a Vietnamese woman, he really means it. Well, he loves her body. Who wouldn't. 20 year-old Asian women are not hard to love. He doesn't love her mind, because of the language barrier you really have no idea what is going on in her head. And I don't think he enjoys going out to dinner with her. You see this all the time, the guy is looking at the girl because he is bored out of his mind, hoping she will say something. The girl is looking at her iPhone, hoping some one will text her because she is bored out of her mind.
It's a shame men have testicles. Wouldn't life be easier for us men if we had to turn them in after so many years. Okay boys, you've had your fun, time to go out to pasture. Wow, we could actually live our lives guided by the head that sits on top of our neck.
For me, I'm not complaining. I find all this one more of life's interesting experiments. I wonder what will happen next. It gives us guys something to talk about. Imagine how dull and boring life would be if we men didn't do the stupid things we do. Shit, we'd just sit around discussing sports. The games women involve us in are so much more interesting.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Tết 2014
So much has happened in the year since last Tết. I write this in the middle of the Lunar New Year celebration here in Nha Trang. The cold winter weather has finally eased off. Sunny and warm again. The streets are crowded with the normal Russian tourists and Vietnamese from the countryside and city trying to squeeze in some beach time. At some point this is going to become untenable.
Well, back to diary stuff. After six months of unhappiness on both sides Anh and I separated. We gave it a brief try again when I returned to Nha Trang is September, but that didn't work. So, in October Anh moved out of our apartment and I began the single life again.
As for dating, mostly the usual stuff. The rocket blasts off from the launch pad only to crash shortly after lift-off. Some minor disappointments, others not so minor. With major cultural differences, language barriers, and opposing wants and needs, it may take years to stumble into a lasting relationship. (Unless fate steps in.)
Below is Ti, we are currently seeing each other frequently. Going very slowly this time.
The biggest thing going on these days is my intense dedication to learning Vietnamese. (That is one reason it has taken me so long to write again.) I am averaging 3 or 4 hours a day. Mostly at coffee shops. That is not counting conversing with Vietnamese friends. Several of the women I have been dating speak no English. Not uncommon to have a 3 hour chat, all in Vietnamese. It is very satisfying to realize I'm actually communicating in a language so foreign to me. (I'm not teaching this year so I have more personal time.)
Do not let anyone tell you that an old person cannot learn a new langauge. And as my twin, John Locke said in Lost: "Don't tell me what I can't do!"
Well, back to diary stuff. After six months of unhappiness on both sides Anh and I separated. We gave it a brief try again when I returned to Nha Trang is September, but that didn't work. So, in October Anh moved out of our apartment and I began the single life again.
As for dating, mostly the usual stuff. The rocket blasts off from the launch pad only to crash shortly after lift-off. Some minor disappointments, others not so minor. With major cultural differences, language barriers, and opposing wants and needs, it may take years to stumble into a lasting relationship. (Unless fate steps in.)
Below is Ti, we are currently seeing each other frequently. Going very slowly this time.
The biggest thing going on these days is my intense dedication to learning Vietnamese. (That is one reason it has taken me so long to write again.) I am averaging 3 or 4 hours a day. Mostly at coffee shops. That is not counting conversing with Vietnamese friends. Several of the women I have been dating speak no English. Not uncommon to have a 3 hour chat, all in Vietnamese. It is very satisfying to realize I'm actually communicating in a language so foreign to me. (I'm not teaching this year so I have more personal time.)
Do not let anyone tell you that an old person cannot learn a new langauge. And as my twin, John Locke said in Lost: "Don't tell me what I can't do!"
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